I wrote this back in 2009, but I wanted to share.
When I first saw you standing there, you know it was a little hard not to stare. From the moment that we met, my world was turned upside down. To some degree, I still regret my memory for keeping you around. We kissed that night, before you left. Still now, it's something that I can never forget. I said I loved you in the street, it hasn't been the same since then. Babe, it was always you and I, and with you I always knew that I was something. We've had our backs against the wall, and it was always just us against the world.I have nothing to hide. How I wish everyday for just one more kiss, and that you would have never said your last goodbye. No one else knows this feeling inside, because it's the sound of your voice that brings me home. Every road that I have been down, the only truth I have ever found. I was searching for something that I never thought I would find. And, just when I thought life was about to drive me insane you were the one that was there to steer the reins. The only thing I cant live without is, you.
What I would give, what I would do, for you to know that I am here for you. You must have been in a place so dark. But why? That is what i keep asking. Was there anything I could have said or done? I have no clue why you were masking a troubled soul. GOD only knows, went wrong. There is no comprehending. Who am I to judge or try to explain? I do have a burning question? Who told you love wasn't worth the fight? They lied and they were wrong, because now you are gone. I should have stolen every moment, now there is a page with not enough on it, where you and I belong. So what am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you. What am I supposed to say, I'm all choked up, while you are always OK. I'm still alive but I'm just barley breathing. I'm falling to pieces. They say bad things happen for a reason, but no wise words are going to stop the bleeding. You moved on and I'm still grieving. You have her heart, and mine, but I am the one left with all of this pain. When a heart breaks it doesn't break even. Now, I am left trying to make sense of what little remains. It's not like you to just walk away. I lost my whole life and a dear friend. All the fire we had before, it is now just bitter ashes left scattered on the floor.
I have always tried to be the strong and silent type. A lot of good that has done. I had to make a choice that was not mine. I finally put it all together, that nothing really last forever. There you were at the tip of my fingers, the whole world wrapped up in my arms. Now, there is a rain that will never stop falling, and a wall that I am trying so hard to break down. What I should have said just wouldn't pass my lips, so I just held back. Now, its come to this, and it's to late now. What do I do now that you are gone? I have no back up plan and no second chance. I only have myself to blame. All I can hear in the silence that remains are the would I was to afraid to say. You are everything I have ever dreamed of having, and It would be everything I needed to just know that you we're waiting for me. You and I, right or wrong. There is no other one, after all this time I have ever spent alone. It is hard to believe I was so blind, thinking about all the better times without you. I must have been out of my mind.Now I find myself running back to tell you all the things that I couldn't say before.
Next time I won't suffer this kind of pain. I'm going to own all my mistakes not just pass off all the blame. I would be so much better off if I could just let this go with no regrets. I hope you are doing fine out there without me. GOD, knows I'm not doing well without you. I have never felt anything in the world like this before. I'm missing you and wish you would come back through my door. Why did you have to go? You could have stayed, but you wouldn't give me a chance. All these tears keep running down my face. Why did you turn away? Why does your pride make you want to run and hide? What will it take to make you come back? Why can't we just start over and get us back to where we used to be? If you would just give me a chance, I would prove it to you.I don't know what else to do. Don't think I am doing fine, because It is not true. I really need you in my life. Please don't tell me I am out of time. If it take the rest of my life, I don't care what I have to do I will wait for you. I have turned a different corner, gone to another place. I have never had this feeling of emptiness that I feel today. If you only knew how many times I counted all the words I said wrong, and how I refuse to let you go. I would sacrifice my beating heart, if it would have kept me from losing you. I don't regret the days I spent or the nights we shared. You have helped me live and you helped me learn. You made me see that there was something that was missing. You made me see that you are something that I would never chose, but at the same time something that I NEVER wanted to lose. I wish I never had to be without you again. You are the best thing that I never knew I needed. Now it is so clear that I need you here.
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep. I toss and turn like the sea. If I drown tonight, bring me back to life, breathe your breath in me. The only thing that I still believe in is you. All that I am after is a life that matters. I wish my life was still with you. I think that the only thing that still matters, is love ever after. After the life I have been through, I know that there is no life after you. I have to give it all I've got. Live my life like it is my last day everyday. I should have completely giving you my heart and soul. Should have held on as tight as I could. Should have pulled you in so close that you could feel every breath I was breathing. Then you might have not walked away with someone else. I love who I love with all that I have, and that someone will always and forever be you. I am not going to waste anymore time, because time flies to fast. You never know what you have, until it's gone.
